


Darker than Black

by somedaysomewhere



Series: Bang, Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down) [2]
Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M, Mafia AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-09 00:50:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20986094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somedaysomewhere/pseuds/somedaysomewhere
Summary: Seungyoun knows that falling in love is only the beginning. What happens after is a whole other battlefield.





	Darker than Black

On Seungyoun’s one hundred and forty-fourth mission, the world stops.

Seungwoo is back from a six-month hiatus. He is paler, more gaunt and colder looking than ever. It takes all of Seungyoun’s restraint to not punch him in the face. He was just getting used to the absence. How dare he bring back disarray?

He is no stranger to adapting. It is required of him after all—whatever task, change or circumstance, he has to be able to conform to it quickly. So when Seungwoo pulls himself out of their lives, he does what he has always done. Accept, adjust, soldier on. In fact, he’s been doing well—leading X1, overseeing missions, consoling the members who suddenly lost their older brother.

There is a weight to carry for being the one who is left behind. It's a hair-trigger heart, a blueprint of memories and preferences, a ship that sinks straight into the bottom of the sea. The heaviness almost crushes him. Still, he breathes.

“It’s easy,” he says when Hangyul asks what he does in order to cope. “You just put one foot in front of the other.” 

This is how he starts moving again. Until one day, the world stops.

On his one hundred and forty-fourth mission, Seungwoo kisses him for the first time and everything crashes down.

See, it’s so damn easy.

* * *

Seungwoo is not his first love. There were girls and boys before him, and he is not the first to break his heart.

But a heart loves in different ways, just as it breaks in different ways, and Seungyoun finds it particularly true this time around.

The others are quick to welcome him. They hug him, touch him, pat him on the back. Hyeongjun even cries. It was difficult on them too. In this cold and cruel business, all the members have are each other.

Seungwoo approaches him later that night, bearing his favorite coffee and a hesitant smile. He can’t ignore him anymore.

“You’ll have to talk to me eventually.”

“Yeah, I realized. So. You’re back.”

“Yes. I was in the headquarters this morning.”

“They let you in again? Just like that?”

“Well, they need the group. We’re better when we’re complete. And it’s not like I did anything wrong while I was gone.”

Silence stretches on between them. Seungyoun is afraid to break the quiet. He doesn’t know what questions are right to ask. He doesn’t even know if he wants answers.

“On second thought, you don’t have to talk. It’s me who has a lot of explaining to do anyway. First, I’m sorry. Suddenly leaving like that was unfair to you and to the members.

A week before I left, I had intel that Hajoon was in trouble. He was in the middle of an assignment when he got busted and was taken by a human trafficking syndicate.

As I shared to you before, I worked for another syndicate before Swing. Hajoon was one of my teammates. Our group is dissolved now and we went on our own separate ways, but because the recent event was too dangerous, we had to meet and hatch a plan to rescue him. We just couldn’t sit still and leave him behind.

Hajoon and I were ex-lovers as well. We broke up two months after I joined Swing. He was completely over me by then, but I was still hung up on him. I remember pining about him to you a few times. I have to make it clear though: this time, I did everything I’ve done because he is a dear friend. Not because I have feelings for him.

Anyway, it took us three months to get him back. Another three months to provide him all the support he needs. What he experienced was hell. We needed to be assured that he’ll be okay.

I honestly wanted to tell you the truth before I left. But by doing so, I felt I was pressuring you into waiting for me. I didn’t even know then if I could make it out alive. I wanted to be fair to you too. I wanted to clear all the loose ends so that when our time comes, there will be nothing to weigh us down.

I came back because I missed everyone. Because while I was away I kept on wondering if you guys were eating well, if you were managing well, if you were sleeping well, if Wooseok was helping you with the maknaes. 

And I came back to tell you I love you. I’m not expecting an answer. I just really want you to know.”

Seungyoun wonders how long he has been waiting for those words. Now that they’re here, he doesn’t know what to do. On the far and few times that he let himself daydream about this moment, he always said the words back at once. But this is reality, and in reality, he needs time to process everything.

It’s not a no, but a lot has happened. And so, Seungyoun only ends up saying, _let me think first._

But in his mind and in his heart, the answer is already clear.

* * *

The members are surprised to find a breakfast feast on their dining table. There are hotdogs, hams, bacon, bread, eggs, omelettes, and sausages. It is heaven, especially for people who have been eating only ramen for days now.

“Whoa! Did Swing send this?,” Dohyon excitedly asks.

“I prepared them all by myself since four in the morning, thank you,” Seungyoun answers.

Eunsang is puzzled. “Huh? What for? It’s no one’s birthday today, right?”

“It’s for my boyfriend.”

At that exact moment, Seungwoo emerges from his room. They all look at him, then at Seungyoun, and then at each other.

And then it clicks.

“Fucking finally!”, Yohan shouts.

* * *

Nothing is as satisfying as a clean kill.

Today’s mission, however, is more challenging than usual. Seungwoo’s torn shirt reveals a bloody left shoulder. The injury is not too disabling and is most likely superficial, but it doesn’t make Seungyoun’s mood any less foul.

He crouches, switches the Sig’s empty magazine for a fully-filled one, and gets in place. Gunshots pierce through the air. _Just a little more, just one more..._

It's been an hour of fighting. For some this is excessive—a blow to one's skills, even. But Seungyoun understands that timing is crucial, and so he waits for the perfect chance. Without fail, it comes.

_Bang, bang._

The last man drops to the ground. Seconds later, a pool of blood gushes out. Nothing is as satisfying as a sure kill.

* * *

X1 is Swing’s most prized possession these days. Despite being formed only two years ago, the group continues to conduct difficult missions seamlessly and with a high success rate. It isn’t that surprising though—all eleven members are highly skilled.

Yohan and Hangyul are the most suitable for physical combat, which is largely due to their backgrounds in taekwondo. Yohan’s, especially, is extensive as he has represented the country in multiple national tournaments before.

Hyeongjun and Dongpyo are both small in stature. They are the least likely to be present in direct fights. However, they have incredible advantage in sleuth operations. Infiltrations are their thing.

Junho comes from a family of swordsmiths. Predictably, he is adept at knives and swords. He is born into organized crime, and his family has been supplying blades to the syndicate for over eighty years.

Wooseok and Dohyon are the “brains.” They are responsible for the planning of each operation, and 70% of the mission’s success is up to them. Dohyon, despite being the youngest, is heralded as the group’s _Genius_. His last project, Operation Fifty, was a resounding success. The group was able to accomplish 50 hits in one week, the all-time highest in the recent syndicate years.

Minhee, having taken a medical degree in college, is responsible for first-aid. While Swing has a specific group of health professionals ready for emergencies, it is imperative to have someone knowledgeable on standby to address immediate concerns such as fractured bones, gunshots, and the like. He can be on the offense too: his wide arsenal of controlled drugs and poisons are his weapons of choice.

Eunsang is the go-to for gunfights. He polished his skills by secretly going to and training in shooting ranges. He is from an affluent political family and his refusal to take part in politics led to his disownment.

Seungyoun and Seungwoo are known as the group’s “all-rounders.” They are well-versed in weapons, physical combat, and strategy. Being the oldest, Seungwoo was elected as X1’s leader. Seungyoun took it upon himself to assist and alleviate the weight their leader carries.

Looking back, he should’ve known that it wasn’t going to be an easy task.

Seungyoun stares at the reflected lights on the gently moving surface of his coffee. He is alone at the dining table, ruminating over everything that happened today. It was supposed to be a fairly straightforward assignment of killing a loan shark and his cohorts, but they were intercepted and was almost overpowered by the sheer amount of bodyguards their targets had. This is a problem whenever they’re tasked to take down another underground business: because everyone is equipped to fight, it tends to get violent.

He and Seungwoo make it a point to take most, if not all, of the kills during missions. Nightmares are no match to seeing blown out brains or piles of corpses in real life, and they don’t want to place that burden on the younger members as much as possible. However, on large-scale missions like today, they are left with no choice. He hopes the others are coping well. He knows it firsthand—no matter how many times you’ve done it, you are never truly desensitized.

His thoughts are halted by the sound of a chair scraping against the floor. It is Minhee, X1’s blonde-haired medic and plant enthusiast. The younger pats him on the back as reassurance that things are okay. Still, Seungyoun needs words.

“How are the members?”

“Nothing major. Bruises and slight cuts for everyone. Scraped knees for Yohan-hyung, which was already treated with antiseptic. And Seungwoo-hyung’s left shoulder which you’re already aware of, I’m sure.”

“How is he?”

“Don’t worry too much, hyung. It’s not too deep of a wound anyway. No muscles, nerves, and bones are affected. No infection either.”

A relieved sigh leaves him.

“Now that everyone is physically okay, we can finally sleep. X1’s one hundred and sixty-fifth mission is officially done and dusted. Thank you as always, Minhee-ya.”

“Anything for our lovebirds,” Minhee teases.

Seungyoun laughs. It’s his first and only for today.

* * *

It’s midnight when Seungwoo returns to their room. 

Seungyoun almost pretends to be asleep, but evasion is not an option for them now, especially after becoming lovers. One of the things they agreed on before entering a relationship was to talk things out before they’re blown out of proportion.

Seungwoo is an excellent leader, no doubt. He is fair, kind, understanding, stern yet yielding. But he is also too damn stubborn at times. Thinks he has to bear everything. Thinks he has to endure everything. Thinks he has to sacrifice himself and all that martyr shit. It’s frustrating to no end.

“You seem upset.”

_And so it begins._

“Of course, you idiot. I am upset. That bullet was for me. Who gave you the right to play hero and take it?”

“Seungyoun, it barely damaged my shoulder.”

“No shit. It should hit you next time. Maybe then you’ll think twice.”

The words are out before Seungyoun can think. He wants to regret saying them but he is stressed and anxious, and all he wants to do is lash out. Maybe he wants to take advantage of Seungwoo’s kindness too because he knows he’ll understand.

The bed dips. Strong arms circle his waist and immediately, everything melts away. In this moment, he is away from the demands of their job. In this moment, he is only an ordinary person worrying about the one he loves.

“I‘m saying this as your leader. You know that thinking twice is not an option for what we do. It puts us all in a more dangerous situation. I’d like you to reflect on that.”

Soft lips touch his nape. Seungwoo’s body is cold. His next words are anything but.

“But as your boyfriend, I can’t tell you not to worry. I lose my mind too when you are injured. But there will be more of situations like this. You know that.”

“I just want you to be careful. You’re always like this. You can depend on me. On your members. We have you and you have us as well.”

“Do you think I don’t know that? If you can only see how much strength the group gives me. And you... I’m offended. You seem to underestimate how much you mean to me.”

When Seungwoo kisses him, all the butterflies land on Seungyoun’s throat and he can’t speak. The hole he tumbled into is too deep. He keeps on falling and falling.

* * *

He uses the word “want” a lot these days.

Which is weird, Seungyoun thinks, because he has always been a self-sufficient person. After all, he spent most of his life providing for himself. He is used to less. Yet, love waltzes in one day and he is suddenly turned into this needy, irrational mess.

Now, he wants more. _No._ He wants everything.

Seungwoo indulges him, gives in to him, lets him do what he wants. But the hunger is never sated. Instead, it only grows.

Four months into their relationship makes him realize that the Seungwoo he knew before barely scratched the surface of who he really is. He unearths his newly found discoveries from memory: Seungwoo likes cats, he loves Autumn, he is a crybaby, his sides are ticklish, he can’t drink milk, he can’t eat spicy food well, he doesn’t have a driver’s license, he likes to cuddle and hoard pillows, he frowns when he is deep in thought.

In the morning, Seungwoo is a marvel to look at. While he’s asleep, Seungyoun maps his veins, his twelve moles, and the dimples on his lower back. He then glances back to his face and finds him staring with half-lidded eyes.

That gaze is one of his favorites about him.

_Look at only me._

_I want you to desire only me._

* * *

He is aware that there will someday be a retribution for the things they have done. Seungyoun only hopes for enough time to experience happiness fully, for everyone and for even just once.

Religion doesn’t have a role in a world where too many men play god and lives are gone in just a snap of a finger. However, if someone is listening, this is the only thing he prays for.

* * *

The rest of X1 is getting ready for the next mission. It’ll be a long week, as they are off to beat their record of fifty hits.

There are better ways to live but this is what Seungyoun knows. Dexterity and death, darkness and violence, and blood, always blood.

“Are you ready?”

A cup of coffee is placed in front of him. There is Seungwoo, in all his suited glory. He can only sigh. It’s unfair how wonderful this man is.

He reaches for Seungwoo’s hands, marvels at how big they are compared to his. Hands that destroy and kill, hands that comfort and heal, hands that pleasure and sin.

And then he thinks, _maybe_ _it’s not a bad life after all._

Seungyoun knows that falling in love is only the beginning, and what happens after is a whole other battlefield. Sometimes one wins, sometimes one loses. But like in missions and in everything else he does, he has always been a person who gives his all.

_All or nothing,  
nothing and all._

“Yes. I’m ready.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for the positive responses to Russian Roulette! Admittedly, it was meant to be a standalone piece but since you seemed to like it, I couldn’t really leave you hanging. :p
> 
> Spoiler: 3rd part / Seungwoo’s POV is next. His background will be discussed there more thoroughly. Until then <3


End file.
